the God who is

Pastor Edmund preached this last week--when we first begin to know God, we start with

1. the God we visualise

then as we grow we go into

2. the God we want

and we often get stuck here. I've been thinking how I am still here too. The 3rd Stage, which is the stage God wants us to get to, is to know God as

3. the God who is

To know Him as who He is, and to love Him just because. This was brought home to me when I realised how much my love for Him depends on how much I do for Him. It feels good, I feel closer to Him, but it is only a second best. If He takes away my vision, my dream for cross-cultural missions, if He takes away my 'life direction', if He 'lays me aside'--would I still love Him? Would I love Him if I can't do anything for Him?

It seems like I've been holding on to this 'vision', 'life direction', 'calling' as a replacement for Him. It is but a glorified version of living for money or living for others' approval.

But frankly, i have been living on this dream for too long. I'm not sure if there's anything left if i take it away. Or rather, if i let God take it away. I know its perverse to hang on to the image rather than the real thing, but the vacuum it would leave behind would be so great. Maybe most of us are too scared of that vacuum, that dark night of the soul to go to the 3rd stage.